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“My Computer Passed Away Last Night”

…and I’m using an ancient machine with an ancient browser that doesn’t let me do most things.

Until the Apple (I’m switching to a mac, I’m scared) and Fedex gods bring me a new one, things are going to be mighty sketchy around here. Words shall be misspelled, photos may look sketchy, I may forget my name. Yes, I’m blaming that last one on the ancient computer also.

Also, since we’re here, I thought I’d share some words of wisdom. Since this ancient computer doesn’t like the submit button on Twitter, I’m sharing my singular deep thoughts right here, right now. You and me.

1. Yesterday I learned that if you bring a firearm to Kennedy airport, you get treated like the Pope. Especially if you wear polka dot flip flops and look innocent. After I befriended a TSA and a Port Authority cop, they personally scribbled their initials on my boarding pass and ushered me past the line right through security. I think they felt bad because I had to wait while they dealt with a guy and his fake ID, and another guy prosthletizing the joys of going barefoot through the world. He spoke in depth about his caluses and their resistance to broken glass.

2. JetBlue didn’t put my firearm on the plane. I proclaimed my distress, brought my hand to my forehead, and they gave me vouchers. I like vouchers. But still no firearm JetBlue… I’m waiting. She’s pricey and pretty. Bring her back to me.

3. I’m going to have chicken wings for dinner. Because I deserve it after all of the tumult.

Goodnight.

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Comments

  1. What sort of gun? My dad gave me a Ruger 1A falling block chambered for .30-06 this past weekend. Im planning to take it to Houston where he lives this December to do some hog and deer hunting. Im guessing the airport experience is going to be lovely….

  2. Now, those are deep thoughts!
    I can just see you in polka dot flip flops toting a shotgun thru Kennedy airport:)
    Has it shown up? I know somebody at Jet Blue, not sure if he could help but, it would be worth a call……

  3. I can't believe they were so nice! I would have imagined them giving you all sorts of trouble. I got in trouble there for carrying chorizo sausages from Spain that looked like… I don't know what they thoughts actually, they were too irritated taking my bag apart to tell me :(

  4. I'm completely and utterly shocked that you took a gun through security in NY when the Nazis in Portland wouldn't let my yogurt through yesterday. Am I supposed to feel secure that our airports are safe from the dangers of yogurt because really, it just grinds my oats.

  5. Up here in Washington (where we have remarkably reasonable gun laws considering the politics of the area) you get treated as a felon if you want to check a gun. We have a friend who was travelling with a pistol and the counter people were terrified of him, and when he got on his flight, everyone in the check-in line behind him that saw the gun when he showed it to the airline lady gave him strange looks but were afraid to make eye contact. lol