I’m practicing.
And I’m making a list.
And checking it twice.
Because I like lists.
And I’m naughty and nice.

~ me, circa 2010 ©

1. Always sit in shady corners. It puts you in a good place on the spectrum of personal mystery. A rating of 9.5.

2. Lean in real slow and always carry a toothpick.

3. Wear a bedazzled belt. And pump your fist in the air when a football team named the Cowboys does something good.

4. Loiter

5. If you don’t have a horse, this is your next best option.

6. Always be in the presence of European taxidermy. And whenever possible, an American flag.

7. Ambient smoke tendrils add to the mystery too. Be around those.

8. Have a weathered hat and crack a sly smile.

9. Then be suddenly very serious and stare into the nothingness of the universe.


10. Grow a mustache that curves downward. No higher than your lower lip, and lower if possible

11. Eat chicken wings whenever possible.

What do you mean that’s not a criteria?

Who says?

I think it’s important to add that to the list just in case.

As a footnote.

12. Dark shades help with ones position on the spectrum of mysterious.

13. Leave your boots behind from time to time. To leave your mark. It’s the equivalent of peeing on a tree trunk.

14. Your dark mysterious shades too. Leave them behind.

15. Point. So as to command your presence.

16. Line your bikes up neatly so your mama don’t yell.

The End.