Two wild stallions. Or domesticated. Whichever I can find first.

A transexual rooster.

With army tags.

And one good eye.

A hearty piece of honeycomb straight from our beehives which will last forever. It truly will, honey is the only food that never goes bad. Now can you really say that about money?

Honey is better than money.

Oh, I crack myself up.

Badly baked scones. Kind of reminiscent of hard tack… if you’re the sailor type you might like them.

I think the IRS is a diverse crowd, I want to offer something for everyone.

French fish. Straight from the fisherman’s co-op in Provence.

Also known simply as: dead fish.

But I think “French fish” has a more evocative ring to it, don’t you think?

Double yolked eggs. Two for the price of one.

If only I could get my filing fees to work that way…

Oops, how did that get in there?

Turkey feet.

Very good for stock and aspic making.

Like I said, I want to entice everyone at the IRS.

Or an afternoon in a psychedelic coffee shop in Oakland, California.

Your life will never be the same.

If none of these appeal to you dear IRS people, then I’ll do your laundry for a week.

(But not your dishes. I hate doing dishes.)

Kindly get back to me before April 15th.

Your Friend,