A few weeks ago I went on a strawberry binge. I was intent on making a strawberry rhubarb pie and my strawberry estimating skills turned out to be terrible, and thus I was left with more strawberries than one pie could hold. So I proceeded to make approximately 1.6 trillion recipes from strawberries. There was strawberry fruit leather, and strawberry vinegar, and strawberries flying across the room. That last recipe you’ll have to wait and read about in my book.

Just kidding.

Or maybe I’m not… mwhahahahahaha.

The second stop in strawberry wonderland was what I have lovingly titled “Strawberry Shortcake & Badass Biscuits.” Because…

1. They were badass.

2. I like alliteration.

3. They were badass.

It’s terribly simple and terribly badass and you will forever be in the Coolness Hall of Fame. All you need are a few ingredients: strawberries, flour, salt, sugar, baking powder, cream, butter, and if you’re feeling really badass, a little cointreau.

Also, let it be known that I have officially made badass one word. Thank you.

Start by combining your butter with the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar.

Combine them with the best tools in the kitchen–your hands. You want a lumpy mixture with various sized lumps of butter from pebble to pea size.

Then comes the cream.

A nice mix.

Until inform and it all comes together in one mass.

Then flatten it onto a cutting board.

Then punch circles out of the dough. I used a glass to punch circles because that’s what was in closest proximity to my finger tips.

Next you lay them on a sheet tray, which you’ve brushed with a little grease of some sort. Oil or butter or lard will work.

And brush the tops with a little cream if you want some color and shine.

And voila!

Now. These beautiful strawberries.

The best strawberries I’ve ever tasted are Shuksan strawberries in Washington state. You really will read about those in my book.

I swear.

Cross my heart.

Chop them however you’d like.

I sliced.

You could quarter if you want. I don’t mind.

Then a tablespoon or less of sugar.

Toss them, cover them, and put them in the fridge to macerate.

While they macerate, whip your cream.

Get it going…

And halfway on your journey add some vanilla.

Doing this by hand can take a bit of time. I actually put the bowl on my lap and whisked with one hand while I surfed the internet.

I’m a good multi-tasker.

There you have it.

“Stiff peaks.”

Now should be the time where I tell you that I keep writing “whiskey” instead of “whisked,” but I won’t, because I don’t want you to think I have a weird obsession with whiskey.

Cut the biscuit in half, add some macerated strawberries, add a dollop or..er, twelve… of cream…

I have a mild addiction to custards and cream. I’m going to counseling for it.

Wanna bite?

Comeer… open wide…

“Badass Biscuits”

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes

Total Time: 25 minutes

Yield: 9 biscuits

“Badass Biscuits”


  • 2 cups flour
  • 2 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 tablespoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 8 tablespoons butter or lard, cold and cut into 1/2 inch pieces
  • 3/4 cup heavy cream
  • 1 tablespoon cointreau or orange zest (optional)


  1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.
  2. Combine the dry ingredients into a bowl. Add the butter and work together with your hands until you have a sandy mixture with lumps of various sizes, from pebble to pea. Add the cointreau and cream and combine until uniform.
  3. Flatten dough on a surface to about 1 inch thick and cut into circles with a cookie cutter or cup.
  4. Place on a greased baking sheet, brush the tops with any excess cream, and cook for 12 -15 minutes until golden brown on top.

“Strawberry Shortcakes”

Prep Time: 35 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 45 minutes

Yield: 9 shortcakes

“Strawberry Shortcakes”


  • 4 cups strawberries, tops removed and sliced
  • 1 tablespoon sugar
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  • 9 badass biscuits


  1. Combine the strawberries and the sugar in a bowl and cover. Place in the refrigerator and let macerate for 30 minutes or more.
  2. In a separate bowl, whip the cream with the vanilla until stiff peaks form.
  3. To assemble, cut a biscuit in half, add strawberries and whipped cream to the bottom half and place the top back on.

You Might Also Like