Cool Stuff – Handy How To’s
“How to Skin a Pig”

They say that there’s more than one way to skin a cat. But as far as I know, there’s really only one way to skin a pig. And anyway, I think they’re lying about the cat. If you’ve ever been to a butcher shop, this looks a little bit like what you’ll see there. Except we’re starting one step earlier while the skin is still on. If the sight of […]

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“How to Make Applesauce”

As you may recall, I went apple picking with an old college friend not too long ago. It was an attempt to re-live those cool, crisp New England days. But seeing as it was 104 degrees, and we were sweaty, I don’t think it was really a walk down memory lane. But we got apples. And I made a pie. And then I made this: Chunky Apple Sauce. You really […]

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“How to Clean a Dove”

But first you have to shoot it. Just after sunrise. Preferably over a cotton field. Near sunflowers. Dead ones. Doves love dead sunflowers. I do too. I also love dead dove. It tastes like liver, the pudding of the gods. You can read about dead sunflowers in the last chapter of Food Heroes. I love them. More than alive ones. I don’t often watch the sun come up in the […]

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“Honey Bee Healthy”

Remember yesterday how I showed you a glimpse of a strange figure in a hazmat suit wandering through the woods? That was my dad. He only comes out of his hiding place to feed the bees. My interactions with him are solely when he’s wearing netted head gear. Just kidding. But we do both have hermit tendencies. But we overcome them when society demands it of us. He enjoys interacting […]

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“How to Clean a Clam”

Yes, they made it off the island. The little boat made two more trips and the last ones on the island were the ones who had the tallest boots… they had thigh boots. They took one for the team because they had thigh boots. When preparing your clams for dinner, it is best to let them soak in a bucket of water over night so that they “relax.” This will […]

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“How to Dig a Clam: Part 2”

…also known as “How to dig a clam like a gentleman (or lady).” Alan had discovered that instead of getting yourself covered in mud, a little PCB pipe, and a double sided shovel kept one nice and mud-free. So we were the clean ones on the island. Alan drove his three person boat back and forth until we were all there. Then one of the girls tried her hand at […]

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“Clamming for Horsenecks: Part 1”

Slowly but surely, I’m making friends on the west coast. It’s thrilling. This means that slowly but surely I will no longer be a hermit. I was invited to go clamming at Lawson’s Landing near Tamales Bay last week, and seeing as my life’s possessions are strewn between two coasts, this meant a trip to the hardware store late on a Sunday evening, where I got lost in the aisles […]

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“Homemade Cheese”

I like soft foods. It will serve me well if I have no teeth one day. I like to make my own soft foods whenever possible, the skills will be useful if I’m living off the grid somewhere and I’m toothless. Or if I’m just living off the grid. Or just living toothless. I made homemade cheese the other day and served it to myself by the spoonful. You should […]

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“Earth Day Egglings”

Grandma P. and I had a recent exchange via Gmail, as we are prone to do. We like to talk about projects. And radio programs. She tells me what Arthur Schwartz and Joan Hamburg are up to in New York and I tell her what the latest title of my book is. She has much more to offer to the conversation usually, I go into a tunnel when I’m working […]

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“Homemade Tonic Water”

I’m into liquids this week, what can I say? I’m not a big alcohol drinker as you know, seeing as it makes me rather pink in the face. However. I can appreciate alcohol produced on a truly craft level. For example, I’m mildly obsessed with this certain secret whiskey that I’m going to tell you about in my book soon. Furthermore, I was out for a friend’s birthday the other […]

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