Cool Stuff – Handy How To’s

How to Make Wine

I have a friend named Nate. The first time I heard about him, I was told he was brewing beer in his bathtub. I was intrigued. Nate also makes wine. Nate is also a scientist. This lead me to believe that wine making is over my head. But it turns out it’s not really. I spent some time with him this Fall while he made a batch of wine for […]

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How to Butcher a Pig

This post should really be called, “How to Butcher a Pig in Flip Flops.” You see, I was having breakfast. A Greek yogurt with strawberry jam to be exact. And it occurred to me that I needed to butcher the Javelina if I was going to have it for dinner. So I marched out to the barn where I met Mike and my pesky brother and got to work. Except […]

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How to Skin a Pig

They say that there’s more than one way to skin a cat. But as far as I know, there’s really only one way to skin a pig. And anyway, I think they’re lying about the cat. If you’ve ever been to a butcher shop, this looks a little bit like what you’ll see there. Except we’re starting one step earlier while the skin is still on. If the sight of […]

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How to Make Applesauce

As you may recall, I went apple picking with an old college friend not too long ago. It was an attempt to re-live those cool, crisp New England days. But seeing as it was 104 degrees, and we were sweaty, I don’t think it was really a walk down memory lane. But we got apples. And I made a pie. And then I made this: Chunky Apple Sauce. You really […]

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How to Clean a Dove

But first you have to shoot it. Just after sunrise. Preferably over a cotton field. Near sunflowers. Dead ones. Doves love dead sunflowers. I do too. I also love dead dove. It tastes like liver, the pudding of the gods. You can read about dead sunflowers in the last chapter of Food Heroes. I love them. More than alive ones. I don’t often watch the sun come up in the […]

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Honey Bee Healthy

Remember yesterday how I showed you a glimpse of a strange figure in a hazmat suit wandering through the woods? That was my dad. He only comes out of his hiding place to feed the bees. My interactions with him are solely when he’s wearing netted head gear. Just kidding. But we do both have hermit tendencies. But we overcome them when society demands it of us. He enjoys interacting […]

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How to Clean a Clam

Yes, they made it off the island. The little boat made two more trips and the last ones on the island were the ones who had the tallest boots… they had thigh boots. They took one for the team because they had thigh boots. When preparing your clams for dinner, it is best to let them soak in a bucket of water over night so that they “relax.” This will […]

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How to Dig a Clam: Part 2

…also known as “How to dig a clam like a gentleman (or lady).” Alan had discovered that instead of getting yourself covered in mud, a little PCB pipe, and a double sided shovel kept one nice and mud-free. So we were the clean ones on the island. Alan drove his three person boat back and forth until we were all there. Then one of the girls tried her hand at […]

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Clamming for Horsenecks: Part 1

Slowly but surely, I’m making friends on the west coast. It’s thrilling. This means that slowly but surely I will no longer be a hermit. I was invited to go clamming at Lawson’s Landing near Tamales Bay last week, and seeing as my life’s possessions are strewn between two coasts, this meant a trip to the hardware store late on a Sunday evening, where I got lost in the aisles […]

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Homemade Cheese

I like soft foods. It will serve me well if I have no teeth one day. I like to make my own soft foods whenever possible, the skills will be useful if I’m living off the grid somewhere and I’m toothless. Or if I’m just living off the grid. Or just living toothless. I made homemade cheese the other day and served it to myself by the spoonful. You should […]

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